The War of the Sexes
by girl-in-violet
Summary: A conversation in the Common Room sparks a royal battle between the boys and girls of Gryffindor (mainly the 4th and 5th years).
1. The Stirrings of Battle

**DISCLAIMER -** The Harry Potter characters belong to me! J.K.Rowling cast an 'Obliviate' spell on me and stole my plot. It was all **my** idea! Now I have to settle with writing petty fanfiction, while she makes millions with _my_ story! YEAH, RIGHT! If you actually believed that piece of rubbish please do yourself a favour and throw yourself into a lunatic asylum. And take me with you too, for which girl in her right senses wastes her time in writing things which doesn't even give her money?  
  
**SUMMARY -**The title is self explanatory, but for the really dumb ones- A conversation in the Common Room sparks a royal battle between the boys and girls of Gryffindor (mainly the 4th and 5th years).  
  
Ginny wasn't sure how it started. One moment they were all sitting in the Common Room, talking about nothing in particular- even Harry was wearing an animated expression on his face (which was very surprising, since his habitual expression was one of apathy ever since Sirius' death)- when suddenly they were in a blazing row.   
  
I don't think there is any need to enlighten people as to the identity of 'they'. _'They'_, were none other than Ron and Hermione.   
  
"So what you're basically trying to say is that, girls are weaker than boys, totally dependent on boys and have no backbone, is that it?" screamed Hermione.   
  
"No, of course not!" said Ron. "All I said was, girls need somebody strong to look after them and-"  
  
"Of course we don't! In fact, it's the other way around. Where will you and Harry be if I wasn't there to copy notes from, or to prepare timetables, or to prevent you two from getting into trouble?"   
  
"Hey!" Harry cut in. "**We** use our brains too, you know!"   
  
He went unheeded.   
  
"We copy notes from you because we don't listen in class while you do, and you **are** our best friend. I'm sure if we had-"  
  
"That's exactly the point! You **boys** don't listen and pick on my brains. And I'm a _girl_, remember? Now, who is dependent on whom?"   
  
"It isn't as if you haven't taken help from us at all," retorted Ron. "Anyway, I wasn't talking about you specifically. When I meant girls, I meant them in general."   
  
"So you think _we_ can't stand on our own two feet, do you?" asked Lavender sharply.   
  
"You think boys are stronger than us girls, and we are as fragile as porcelain, do you?" put in Parvati.   
  
Ron blinked at this sudden attack. Arguing with Hermione he could handle, but put in a furious Lavender and Parvati and he was just like a spider in front of a road-roller.   
  
"I wouldn't go that far as to comparing you with porcelain, but basically you have got the point correct," said Seamus, unexpectedly coming into Ron's rescue. "After all you aren't termed the weaker sex for nothing."   
  
There were gasps and expressions of outrage on all the girls' faces.   
  
"The term 'weaker' sex was coined by a person with an incredibly low I.Q and with an abnormally huge ego, which could only have been a male," spat Hermione.   
  
"You tell them!" said Lavendar.   
  
"Hey!" protested Harry.   
  
"There must have been a reason why they termed your sex as the weaker one, mustn't there?" asked Seamus. "Haven't you heard of Knights in Shining Armours and Damsels in Distress? It was always a man who had to save the lady. The lady did nothing but faint at the sight of monsters."  
  
"Those are just stories, Seamus," said Lavendar, who had often imagined herself as a Damsel in Distress and Seamus as her Knight in Shining Armour.   
  
"But stories have a basis on fact, don't they?" asked Dean. "Right from the Stone Age it is the male who has to protect the female."  
  
"Well, we aren't living in the Stone Age, are we?" asked Hermione. "This is the 21st century and the girls of this century are a far cry from those of the previous periods."   
  
"So you try to pretend. But when the time comes, we will see whether you stand on your two feet or come rushing to us," said Seamus with a superior smirk.   
  
Ginny was strongly reminded of Draco at that moment.   
  
"Well, how about having a contest and seeing who is stronger?" asked Parvati.   
  
"We wouldn't want to be accused of breaking your delicate bones," said Seamus.   
  
"There is also such a thing as mental strength, Seamus," reminded Hermione.   
  
"Brain is better than brawn," quoted Ginny.   
  
"Brain and brawn together is better than having only brains," said Dean.   
  
"We'll see who has both," said Ginny. "Are you guys game?"   
  
"We are ready for anything you girls dish out," declared Dean.   
  
. "What are the rules?"  
  
"Well, I thought we could have five rounds – two decided by the girls and two by the boys and the last one by the judge," said Ginny glancing at the other girls.   
They nodded. "Sounds good."   
  
"Who is going to be the judge?" asked Ron, opening his mouth after a long time.   
  
"We could ask either Professor McGonagall or Dumbledore or both. One representing each sex," replied Hermione.   
  
Harry imagined asking Professor McGonagall to judge a contest between the boys and girls and shuddered. She might not view this in a kind light. He imagined what she would say-  
  
_"What nonsense is this! A contest between boys and girls? What for?"   
  
"You see, it's like this, Professor," Hermione would begin. "The boys accused us of being the weaker sex and said that we always needed **them** to protect us. We want to prove them wrong and show them that __we_ are in fact the stronger sex – both physically and mentally. So we decided to have this contest. We wanted fair, impartial judges and thought of asking you and Professor Dumbledore…"  
  
  
  
"…I won't sanction such a thing," said McGonagall firmly. "Contest between boys and girls indeed! I have never heard anything more silly or frivolous!Don't you realize that it is very important, now, to stand united? If we start fighting amongst ourselves it will only be a matter of time before-"  
  
"Minerva," came a voice and all of them turned to the fireplace where they saw Dumbledore's head in the flames.   
  
Lavender screamed and moved towards Seamus, who just rolled his eyes. "And these are the type of girls we have to contest against," he muttered derisively to Dean.   
  
"As easy as eating a pie," said Dean.   
  
Lavender glowered at them and moved away.   
  
"I'll be with you in a minute, Professor," said McGonagall turning to the Gryfindors. "Now, all of you-"  
  
She was once again interrupted by Dumbledore. "Just a minute, Minerva. I couldn't help but hear what was being said." He twinkled at the students. "I don't think there is any harm in allowing them to carry on with their contest. In fact, it might provide a refreshing break."   
  
McGonagall was dumbfounded. "But Professor, do you know what kind of contest it is?"   
  
"Yes, Minerva," replied Dumbledore composedly. "As long as there is a healthy competition, it won't do any harm. _In fact this contest might just bring them closer. Trust me._" The last sentence was not heard by the Gryfindors.   
  
McGonagall looked undecided for a moment, but then shrugged her shoulders and nodded. "But if I get the least indication that this contest is affecting your studies, I will withdraw my consent immediately!" she warned.   
  
The students nodded. "Thank you, Professor!" said Hermione. She turned to Dumbledore. "Professor, will you be the other judge?"   
  
Dumbledore nodded assent.   
  
"Now off you go to your classes!"   
  
"Well, that's settled!" said Hermione happily, once outside.   
  
"So, what is the first round?" asked Ron.  
  
"We haven't had time to decide yet," said Ginny.   
  
"We'll tell you at breakfast tomorrow," put in Parvati.   
  
"There is still a last chance for you to draw back from a contest which will result only in humiliation and loss of dignity for you," said Seamus.   
  
"Yeah, we won't let you win just because you are girls. Don't except any chivalry from us!" warned Ron.   
  
"I've never expected any chivalry from _you_ Ron, and never will!" said Hermione, her eyes smoldering. "You are nothing but an MCP!" She turned towards the other girls. "Come on. We have wasted enough time on them."   
  
They all walked off to their dormitories without a backward glance.   
  
"What's an MCP?" asked Ron, staring blankly at Hermione's retreating back.   
  
"Male Chauvinist Pig."

* * *

**A/N**-It is a well known fact that nobody does anything for nothing. We all neeed an incentive to do something. For most, it is money. But as I said before, I'm not making any money out of this. So what motive do you think I'll have in continuing this piece of fiction? Make it worth my while and **REVIEW!**


	2. Quidditch Practice

"So, what's the first round going to be?" asked Ron, the next morning at breakfast.   
  
"Well we thought we'd allow _you_ to decide the first round," said Hermione.   
  
"Couldn't come up with anything, eh?" asked Ron smirking.   
  
"No, we thought we'd be chivalrous and say gents first, ladies second," said Ginny.   
  
"But we haven't decided-" began Ron, but was cut off by Seamus.  
  
"Oh yes we have, Ron," Seamus beckoned to him and the other boys. "Give us a moment girls."   
  
"How about challenging them to a game of Quidditch?" asked Seamus, once they were all gathered around. "We know that none of them know anything about it except Ginny. As for us, we have Harry and Ron, and Dean and I play it in our spare time, so we know the basics. Neville can be the beater."   
  
"But we need seven people for a team," said Harry. "We have only five."  
  
"No problem." Seamus snapped his finger. Colin and Dennis came rushing over. "You know all about the contest between boys and girls, right?"   
  
They nodded eagerly.   
  
"The first round is going to be a Quidditch match. How are your Quidditch skills?"   
  
"I have been practicing all summer to be a Chaser, and Dennis here wants to be a Beater," said Colin enthusiastically.   
  
"Good, that's settled then."  
  
"How the hell are we going to beat them in _Quidditch,_ of all sports?" wailed Lavender.   
  
"Relax, Lavender," said Ginny. "They've given us a week's time. There isn't much to it. I'll teach you."   
  
"But I can't even get on a broom!" moaned Hermione.   
  
"Neither can I!" This was from Parvati.   
  
Ginny looked at them helplessly. She knew that it was practically impossible to learn Quidditch in a week – even Harry didn't master it in such a short time – and the learners in question hadn't even got over their fear of flying…   
  
"And there are only four of us. Don't we need seven in a Quidditch team?" asked Lavender.  
  
"I can get three more girls from my form," said Ginny. "They heard about the fight yesterday and were extremely piqued that they weren't on the scene. I'm sure they'll jump at the chance of putting the guys in their places."   
  
"How about their Quidditch skills?" asked Hermione.   
  
"They've been practicing all summer to be Chasers as Katie, Alicia and Angelina are leaving this year."   
  
"Ok, that takes care of the Chasers. Ginny, you can be the Seeker. You were pretty good last year. Lavender, Parvati and I can practice being Beaters and Keeper and see who is best at what," said Hermione briskly.   
  
Lavender and Parvati groaned. "I get air sick!" wailed Lavender. "And I'm a victim of vertigo!" cried Parvati.   
  
"Do you want to _forfeit_ the match to the guys?" asked Ginny. "Imagine the look on Dean's and Seamus' faces when-"   
  
"Ok, Ok. We'll do it," said Parvati with the look of a martyr.   
  
"Just get on the brooms girls, they don't bite."   
  
Hermione, Lavender and Parvati directed a basilisk glare at Natalie Marchfield. She was a petite blonde and bore more than a passing resemblance to Fleur Delacour. She was an expert flyer, and despised the senior girls' fear.   
  
They (Ginny, Natalie, Claire and Yvon) had been trying in vain for the past half an hour to persuade the seniors to get on their brooms. Hermione, Lavender and Parvati looked at the brooms as if they would turn in to snakes and bite them.   
  
"Look," said Ginny sternly. "I could get permission for us to practice in the Quidditch pitch only for two hours. You've already wasted half an hour. The Gryffindor team will be arriving next to practice and you know what will happen if the guys see that you haven't even learnt to mount your brooms."   
  
This statement worked where all their previous pleadings, assurances and cajoling did not. None of the girls wanted to be humiliated by their 'boyfriends'.   
  
"Now just relax and remove all the tension from your body," said Claire. "Close your eyes and revel in the sheer joy of flying."   
  
"Hey! I don't feel nervous at all!" said Lavender "Yeah!" agreed Parvati enthusiastically. "It feels no different from being on the ground."   
  
"That's because you _are_ on the ground," said Natalie dryly.   
  
Ginny caught Claire's eyes and sighed. It was going to be a long day.  
  
"Ok, girls. Tomorrow is the Day. The day that the boys will always remember with shame and mortification as the day on which they were routed by the girls!"   
  
"Hear, hear!" shouted Lavender and Parvati in unison.   
  
"But remember, we are by no means perfect," warned Ginny. "Hermione and Parvati, you two have to remember _not_ to look down once you're up there. Lavender, as goal-keeper, you should be a little quicker. Seamus, Dean and either Colin or Dennis will be the Chasers. I'm not sure of their abilities, but it does no good to under-estimate the opponent."   
  
The other girls nodded.   
  
"Let's have a last practice before calling it a day," said Ginny mounting her broom.   
  
After 45 minutes –  
  
"Lavender, let's see a last save from you and then we turn in," said Ginny.   
  
Lavender nodded and flew towards the goal-posts. Natalie took her position and threw the Quaffle. Lavender sped towards it, but the Quaffle went sailing through.   
  
"Goal!" came a shout from below.   
  
"Lavender, don't look down!" shouted Ginny, but it was too late. Lavender looked down and saw Seamus and the rest of the guys. She also observed that they looked like as if she was watching them from a height of 100 feet. She screamed, lost control of the broom and went spiraling down.

* * *

**A/N-**Well, how was it? I think this chapter is better than the first even though I wrote this at 9 'o' clock at night without having had my dinner.   
Any questions, comments, criticisms, ideas...can be sent to the review bin.  
  
Apart from _begging_ (see how shameless I am!) you to review, I have a few questions to ask-  
1) What is the spelling of Lavender? Is it L-A-V-E-N-D-**E**-R or L-A-V-E-N-D-**A**-R?  
2) This has nothing to do with the story (or maybe it might have, later) but I was just wondering... We don't know who the Head Boy and Head Girl is, in any of the years except in the 2nd year when it is Percy and Penelope. Or maybe I just skipped those parts where it is mentioned?   
  
You might think these questions are silly, but while I'm writing I get these asinine doubts and I'm just too lazy to refer the books. Do you guys know any sites which acts as a reference for HP? If you do, PLEASE DO TELL ME! Or I'll just keep bugging _you_ with my doubts.   
  
Oh, and one more thing (two more things, actually)-  
  
1) I need a beta-reader. Either one of you guys volunteer, or be prepared to put up with my bad spelling, grammar, writing style, wrong facts about HP....  
  
2) What that asterix above 'boyfriends' stands for (If you didn't notice it, go back and read the chapter again) -   
  
By boyfriends, I didn't mean _boyfriends_, just friends who happen to be boys. (not that they are exactly friends right now...) They are within inverted quotes because the girls would like the boys to be _more_ than friends, not _now_, but after the battle is over. Ok, I know I'm not making any sense.   
:has a glazed look on her face: Got to have something to eat   
Just review! :-) 


	3. The Match

**A/N-** Well, here's the 3rd installment. I meant to update 3 days back, but my results came out and I was so ecstatic to find that I had topped the school, that I didnt have time for anything but a shopping spree. Hopefully this chapter is long enough to compensate for the delay.

* * *

Lavender closed her eyes tightly and braced herself for the impending crash which never came. She opened her eyes and found herself looking into the blue ones of Seamus Finnigan.   
  
It is probable that they would have stood like that for a long time, or at least till Seamus' arms ached, if Parvati and Hermione hadn't come rushing over and asked Lavender breathlessly if she was alright.   
  
Seamus hurriedly let go of her and she fell to the ground with a big thud. "Aaah! _Now_ I'm not!" she cried.   
  
Hermione turned furiously towards Seamus. "How dare you try to injure our Keeper?"   
  
Seamus was torn between defending himself from Hermione's unfair accusation and expressing disbelief at the thought that any team dared hope for victory with Lavender as Keeper.   
  
In the end he did neither, for the girls had walked away in a huff, leaving behind them a rather constrained silence.   
  
"Great catch, Seamus," said Harry at last breaking the quiet.   
  
"Shut up, Harry."   
  
Hermione was surprised at the number of people who had turned up to watch the match between the boys and the girls. Nearly the entire Gryffindor student body was there and she could even spot a stray Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff. Yes, she had definitely got a glimpse of a pair of radish ear-rings.   
  
"Get a load of that," whispered Ginny. "_Malfoy_ and his goons are here as well."   
  
Hermione arched her eyebrows and smiled. "Wonder who they'll support?"   
  
They both walked towards the Hufflepuff changing room, which the Hufflepuffs had graciously allowed them to use, since the guys were using the Gryffindor changing room.   
  
Lavender and Parvati were already there, but there was no sign of Natalie, Claire and Yvon.   
  
"They said they'd be here at least a half an hour before the game starts," said Ginny. "Well there are only 10 minutes for the game and they haven't arrived," said Parvati grimly. Just then there was a sound of feet and the trio came in, panting. "Sorry we're late," said Yvon.   
  
"We were waylaid by the boys," said Natalie, whose statement captured the attention of the other girls immediately.   
  
"Did they try to hex you?" asked Lavender.   
  
"Nothing so crude as that," said Natalie laughing. "They didn't want us to play today. They said that the fight was only between _you_ girls and them, and they didn't have anything against us."   
  
The other girls had expressions of outrage on their faces. "Of all the confounded cheek!" said Hermione furiously. "Right before the match too!"   
  
"Those low-down, lying, twisted, Slytherin scums!" said Parvati heatedly.   
  
"What did you say?" asked Ginny.   
  
"Naturally we refused," said Natalie. "We couldn't leave you girls like that. You'd be flattened."   
  
Hermione opened her mouth furiously, but was cut off by Claire. "Though we _were_ a little tempted when the cute red-head with freckles said that he would give us an autographed photo of Harry Potter…"  
  
"The Irish guy was cuter," said Yvon.   
  
Ginny, looking at the incensed faces of the older girls hurriedly intervened. "It's almost time, girls. Let's get going."   
  
Harry noticed differences between the normal Quidditch games and the one he was currently going to play in. For one, there was no commentator. Probably McGonagall thought that this match was too unimportant to merit one. Secondly, there were cushions placed all over the pitch.   
  
"So that the delicate girls don't break their bones when they fall, which is going to be pretty often," said Seamus sneering.   
  
Harry smiled feebly. He really wasn't comfortable about this dispute with the girls. He felt that a harmless conversation had just been blown out of proportion. McGonagall was right. They all needed to stick by each other. Not be having some silly, juvenile contest. If Dumbledore hadn't intervened, they wouldn't be here at all. 'Its all Dumbledore's fault,' he thought, a little unfairly.   
  
Madame Hooch's whistle blew jerking him out of his thoughts. He mounted his broom and flew up. All at once his Quidditch skills kicked in and he focused only on one thing – getting the snitch.   
  
Since there wasn't any commentary, he had no idea what was going on. When he thought he heard cheers, he looked around and saw that one of Ginny's friends had scored. He glanced at Ron and saw him clutching his hair in frustration. Harry shook his head. It was going to be pretty demoralizing if Ron allowed so many goals in his very first game of the year, that too against _girls._   
  
He turned his attention back to finding the Snitch. He spotted Ginny diving suddenly and assuming she had spotted the Snitch he directed his broom towards her. He was wondering where she had seen the Snitch, when she suddenly turned and flew in the opposite direction. He turned his head and just in time too, for a bludger went zooming past the place where his head had been only a second ago.   
  
He caught sight of Hermione with the club, looking appalled. She looked as if she was about to come flying over and apologise, when wiser councils prevailed and she zipped away.   
  
Hermione's hands trembled and her palms were so sweaty that the club kept slipping from her grasp. She kept telling herself that there was nothing to be afraid of as long as _she didn't look down_. She tried to think of all the nasty things that the boys had said to her, so that she could replace her fear with anger.   
  
Just as she was thinking about Seamus' particularly vicious jibe against the girls, she heard a cheer and saw that Natalie had scored. Her heart leaped and miraculously she found all her fears gone. She was just about to cheer, when she saw a bludger heading towards Ginny. She sped towards it and hit with all her might in the opposite direction, only to see Harry in the line of the Bludger.   
  
Her heart almost stopped, but luckily the bludger missed him. She saw Harry turn to look at her and read the hurt and accusation in his eyed. She wanted to go over and apologise, but just in time she saw his expression change to one of grim determination and with a jolt realized that she was in a match. A match against the _boys_ and her job was to direct the bludger towards them.   
  
But, why did she feel so horrible?   
  
Ginny smiled to herself. That was a good piece of flying. Make Harry think she'd seen the Snitch, lure him towards her and then speed off in the opposite direction. Harry would take a minute at least to get his bearings again. Not to be compared with the Wronski Feint, of course, but she was slowly getting there.   
  
Her smile quickly faded when she saw the Snitch hovering just a few inches to the right of Harry. She was surprised that he hadn't noticed it yet. He was looking in the other direction, and with luck she ought to be able to catch it before he did.   
  
She caught Parvati's eye and gestured her to distract Harry with a bludger. She turned towards the Snitch, only to find it had vanished. She looked at Harry and saw him smiling triumphantly holding up his hand, where the Snitch was fluttering madly.   
  
The game was over. 


End file.
